I realize that I am posting this a day too late. I realize it may not help anyone until next year. But I’m sorry, I was just way too excited last week to reveal my book cover, so my Super Bowl post got bumped to today. But in hopes that it might still help someone in the future, here goes…
 Oh wait, we’re talking about the other football. Photo credit: stock.xchng |
I like to think I’m pretty patriotic, but there’s one day a year I always question my dedication to my native country: Super Bowl Sunday.
It’s not that I have anything against football or the big game. Every year I try to watch it. Every year I tell myself I’m going to learn the game, get all passionate and stuff, root for a team. I’ve gone to the parties, stuffed my face, arbitrarily picked a team fave (based on really intelligent stuff like team colors or cutest QB)…But I’ve never felt l all that successful at playing faithful American football lover.
Until this year!
This year things have changed a bit. It started a few weeks ago when a coworker quizzed me on the big game. He asked me what teams were playing. I knew. He asked me about the coaches. I knew not only a) that they were brothers, but also b) their names. Then he asked me the biggie—the name of the 49ers’ quarterback. Completely naively, I whipped out the only quarterback name that came to mind other than Tim Tebow. I was right!
And suddenly, I had hope. Hope that I can beat my football incompetence…or at least, fake it really, really well. To help me keep it up, I’ve come up with the following:
Tips for attempting to make it through Super Bowl Sunday looking smart instead of…not.
Tip 1
When asked who you’re rooting for, give a nonchalant shrug and say you’re not sure…because your favorite team didn’t make it. How can anyone expect you to know much about the two teams playing when you’ve dedicated all your mental energies to a different team?
Tip 2
Google cool facts about the teams playing, write ‘em up or print ‘em out and—this is key—tape them to the inside of your kitchen cupboards. Then, when you go back to get snacks during the game, surreptitiously peek at your notes. Everyone will be amazed at your knowledge. Just make sure to only put a couple snacks on your plate at a time so you have plenty of reason to keep returning for more.
Tip 3
Pretend to be sending or receiving a text. This is like the ultimate conversation fake-out. Right when the football talk gets a little too technical, oops, there’s that darn phone pulling your attention away again.*
Tip 4
Offer to refill everyone’s drinks. They’ll be so appreciative they won’t even notice that you accidentally cheered when you should’ve moaned, or vice versa.
Tip 5
Challenge someone to a game of foosball. This got me out of almost the entire Super Bowl one year. But because I was involved in competitive activity, I still fit in.
Tip 6
Spill on yourself! Best tip ever! It will get you out of the room for at least 10-15 minutes. This one’s an extra perk for me because I won’t even have to try. It’ll happen on its own. Guaranteed.**
Are you a football fan? Did your team win last night? Any tips to add to my list?
*This tip also works well when trying to avoid that person at church who always tries to get you to come to craft night OR when dodging those dogged shoe store employees.
**Works perfectly in sync with Tip 4.
Comments 34
This is hilarious! Of course, since you’re so fond of Tim…I have a hard time believing you have to fake it. 🙂 We’re not big football fans up here…although last week a local athlete brought the Grey Cup home to our town. That’s the highest Canadian football award. 🙂
Hehe, honestly, it was Tim Tebow’s book that snagged me…not the football career. 🙂 Although I do have serious hopes he finds a team that will actually let him play next year! Then I’d have more incentive to learn the game. 🙂
Cool about the Grey Cup…so is that like the equivalent of a Super Bowl ring?
I am a football fan, but neither of the teams were ones I typically root for. Still, I had fun watching it with my family–my son is a HUGE football fan, and he knows stats about every player on every team.
Cool to be able to connect with you son then by watching. 🙂
I love football, but I had zero interest in last night’s game. Can’t stand either team. So I read during the game and put my book down during the commercials! Of course my sweet hubby let us take a break in the middle for Downton Abbey. 🙂 But I loved your tips all the same!
Oh, how sweet of your hubby. It is a good, good man that will watch Downton Abbey with his wife! 🙂
My team won!! It wasn’t pretty, but they won. Up until last week, I wasn’t sure which team to root for…but then I discovered 2 of the Ravens were from Memphis (my hometown).One of them was Michael Orr of The Blind Side and Morgan Cox, a young kid from Collierville.
But absolutely great tips for making people think you know more about the game than you do!
Do you know, I didn’t realize until like halfway through the game that The Blind Side guy was on the Ravens! That’s cool, though. I think I read somewhere that Sandra Bullock went to the game wearing his jersey.
Too funny. My husband is still teaching me about football–after 13+ years of marriage. Not sure I’ll ever “get” it…must be a numbers thing.
If it is a numbers thing, then it totally makes sense why I haven’t picked it up either! 🙂
I’m not a football fan but I feel like as a writer I chose my team wisely.
I’m a fan of Edgar Allen Poe.
Edgar Allen Poe wrote the Raven.
Thus, I chose upfront to root for the Ravens. And I told my husband how I decided to root for the team on our way to a Superbowl party. I also added, “When the 49ers guys get the ball and get a touch-down, I’m going to holler, ‘Nevermore, Nevermore’!” To which he promptly replied, “Don’t make me turn this car around.”
And I thought that was just something he told the kids. 🙂
Haaa, I was trying to make Nevermore jokes last night but no one thought they were funny!
I thought of you last night! I remembered the conversations you and Susie had at the Storycrafter’s Retreat about football and I wondered if you’d learned more about the game for your book. 🙂 I love your points and, I must admit, I’ve employed many of them! In recent years the kids have become a great excuse to stay out of the living room – and the dads are only too eager for the moms to disappear with the loud kiddos! Last night we had 15 kids and 9 adults at our house! Loud is an understatement. 🙂
Hehe, I have been trying to pick up a bit of football know-how here and there, Gabe. But I’m thankful to know Susie can always help me with it. Haha! Whoa, you had a full house last night!
Manny would love you for putting that picture up there 🙂
He and my British friends, both. 🙂
Have Twitter open, and just say out loud any cool tweet about the game periodically. Yell, ‘Touchdown!” every so often. And NEVER leave during the commercials! Did you see the one with the Clydesdale horsey!! I heart that one! 🙂 On to life after the Super Bowl.
Have a great week, Melissa! 🙂
I seriously didn’t see a single commercial! Is that hilarious or what? Loved your blog today, by the way!
Hehe, thanks for the giggle this Monday morning. I grew up watching football with my dad, but I admit it…every SuperBowl, I pretty much eat and chat with friends. I don’t even watch the commercials. LOL. Thankfully, sports aren’t super important to my husband. I just have other things I’d rather do with my time than spend it watching sports. Like read, for one!
You and me, both. Actually, though, I LOVE watching basketball. I love how the score in basketball can go back and forth so quickly. Although, I guess last night’s game proved the same can happen in football. Football to me always seems like so much starting and stopping. BUT I think if I knew why they were always starting and stopping, it’d make all the difference in my enjoyment level. I’m sure I’ll learn all about that in my research for book three… 🙂
Loved this, Melissa!
I am a huge football fan. I remember the first Super Bowl. (1966) so I have 47 Super Bowls under my belt and my team lost last night. 🙁 I couldn’t root for the Raven’s because of an Art Modell issue. (He moved the Cleveland Browns to Baltimore.) You’d have to be a really big football fan to understand that.
(Bet you are too young to know who Joe Namath is.)
I am happy you can write about the game and I will definitely go over your post again next year.
Blessings,
Earleen
Ooh, ooh, I totally know who Joe Namath is! THere’s something about him and pantyhose, right?? 🙂
Tickled my funny bone!
No, I’m not really a football fan, but because my husband is, I try to feign some polite interest. 🙂 I have to admit that I am a fan of Michael Oher of Blindside fame.
Side note: Disappointed in several of the commercials and was sad to know alot of kiddos were watching some of that stuff. And the half-time “show”? Well, I guess I’m just old school. Some things are best left covered IMHO.
We had some card game action going on upstairs during most of the game so I didn’t see any of the commercials. But I heard a few were less-than-family-friendly. 🙁
I thought of you yesterday, Melissa, when it was announced at church that Tim Tebow’s mom will be our upcoming speaker in a few weeks. 🙂 Me? I’m from Texas. Football is a religion in itself. LOVE football!
Ahhh, what if I just happened to come down to Texas for your church event?! 🙂 Hope you enjoy listening to her–I’ve heard she’s a wonderful speaker.
I watched some Friday Night Lights here and there, so I understand some of that football-as-religion in Texas stuff. 🙂
You are too funny! Every year at our church we do “Super Bowl Sunday” and everyone dresses up in their favorite team gear. Except, I don’t really like sports! But this year I had to because I was going to be onstage in the choir. My solution? A $5 clearance shirt from Walmart that looks like a jersey (but didn’t cost me $100!) Bonus: It’s in the colors of one of the local college teams, so people assumed I was rooting for them!
Woohoo, Melissa. Way to get a sweet costume on the cheap. 🙂
LOL…that is hilarious! You are the highlight of my day so far!! ha1
Oh good, I’m glad you got a good laugh from it…even if I was a day late! 🙂
Funny!
I do like football. I’m a Chicago Bears fan. We watched the big game.
Over the years, I’ve met a few pro football players, including the late, great Walter Payton. If I ever meet Tim T…I’m going to tell him about you, and give him your .com…lol!
Haa, oh no, if you tell Tim about my site, I may have to hide out considering some of the stuff I’ve written. You know, every once in awhile I feel a little guilty when I write about a celebrity of any kind…like, would I really write this or that if I knew so-and-so was going to see it?
On the other hand, probably Tim should be flattered at all the nice things I’ve said… 🙂
Ha! I loved you humor, Melissa! Even if I do enjoy football and watched the Super Bowl. My team (Go Cowboys!) weren’t even close this year, but it was pretty cool that Michael Orr’s team won. You seriously need to write comedy!
Yeah, once I realized it was the Blind Side guy’s team, I was pretty excited about the Ravens. And oh comedy, how I love it. 🙂