What? No intro video? I’m so sorry, folks. My webcam is going bonkers and I’ve loaned out my Flip camera for a couple days. Thus, for the first time since last December, I don’t have a vlog introducing today’s special guest. Please accept my ardent apologies. But know this, you’re better off. Today my hair looks like I’ve been buddying up with Hurricane Isaac and I’m wearing a stained shirt. Still, please forgive my lack of video and join me in welcoming today’s guest poster–Julie Saffrin!
Awhile back, I had the fun of winning a book on my friend Michelle Lim’s blog when she featured author Julie Saffrin. Julie and I connected after that. Often I feature fiction authors here on Wednesdays, but in Julie’s case, I had to make an exception–because I love the challenge and inspiration in her idea of “BlessBacks.”
And in addition to Julie’s post below about how she came up with the idea for her book, she’s also offering a giveaway! Leave a comment at the end telling us who YOU intend to “BlessBack” and I’ll enter you into the drawing. Entry deadline is next Tuesday at 5 p.m.
Thanks for joining us today, Julie!
What is a BlessBack?
BlessBacks are different from random acts of kindness. Most likely, you do random acts of kindness all the time. You surprise the car behind you at the drive-up by paying for their order. Or you pay for your friend’s lunch or you tip the grocery bagger – just because.
A BlessBack, though, intentionally and thoughtfully expresses thanks to the positive people in our past who have made some sort of impression upon us. Rather than a pay-it-forward form of gratitude, you pay it backward, to the good people who helped you become the wonderful you you are today.
How did you come up with the idea for the book?
About 15 years ago, I was going through a dark time. One day I went to my bedroom closet and pulled down a shoebox filled with saved postcards, letters, and thank-you notes to see if reading them might alter my funk.
I sat cross-legged on my closet floor and spent that dreary Minnesota winter afternoon immersed in memories of times gone by. As I re-read the letters, something magical happened. A surge of euphoria and energy came over me. I felt a renewing of myself. My life inflated with joy.
Those letters showed me three things:
1) Whatever the size or significance of our lives, we all have a reason for our existence.
My hearing from these positive people in my past validated and rejuvenated me, and the joy I felt lingered long afterward.
2) Incredible and empowering feelings come with expressed gratitude, both for the giver and the receiver.
Sitting on that floor that day, I felt the incredible reciprocal power of both expressing thanks and being thanked. I was overcome with altruism’s afterglow. I experienced an exchange of gratitude, or what I call the great “Give-Get.” When givers “BlessBack,” they feel good for having expressed their thankfulness. Receivers, too, feel like a million bucks because they are specifically thanked for something they did that influenced or helped another person. They learn, “Wow, I made a difference.”
3) By using the power of remembering, we can change our lives and the lives of others, our communities, and our world.
When we feel valued, we can value others. When we feel appreciated, we, in turn, appreciate others. And so begins this beautiful, ongoing, and ever-expanding circle of gratitude out into our worlds and spheres of influence.
About a year-and-a-half ago, I compiled my BlessBack stories and others’ stories and organized them into a book. I wanted to pass along not only these transformational stories but also the research to back up my findings. The field of positive psychology is booming with evidence that we really can change our lives by using gratitude.
What struck me most while doing research for this book was discovering our mind’s adaptive powers. We really can train our brain so that we become happier. By practicing different ways to BlessBack, whether that is writing a letter, taking a person out for dinner, making a pot of Jambalaya to express our thanks, we can sustain our happiness levels.
We can’t control our genetics. Generally speaking, we can’t control our circumstances, but we can intentionally change our happiness levels. When we do this regularly, our brains make new permanent circuitries to joy.
What is the one thing you hope readers will take away from BlessBack?
My hope in writing this book is that readers will see that living the BlessBack Life is to live an empowered life, rich in meaning and validation. They can live life on purpose, if they put into action the ideas presented in this book. They can know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they are significant and matter, both in their circles of influence and to the world.
The giving and receiving of BlessBacks costs little or nothing to give and is available to everyone, but the payback is huge. To change your life, take a look back over your life, look for the positive people there – the ones who championed or encouraged you – and pick up the phone or your pen and start with “Thank you for . . .”
Comments 27
What a great book! You know, I tried to reach an old youth pastor who really left a mark on my life and I never did find him, so I gave up. Maybe I’ll try hunting him down again! Thanks for the reminder! 🙂
Cool idea, Jess. My youth pastor and his wife made such a huge impact on my life, too! Thankfully, they’re the parents of one of my best friends, so I’m still in touch with them. 🙂 Just sat with them last week at a concert, actually!
Jess,
Thanks so much for dropping by Melissa’s blog today and leaving a comment. I also had a youth pastor who played a significant role in my faith walk. If you click the following link, I think it may prompt you to seek him out: http://juliesaffrin.com/2012/07/22/ropeholders/
Hello, Julie! I love meeting another fellow Minnesotan! 🙂 I live in central Minnesota, on the Mississippi – Ottertail County is not too far away from me.
I’ve been thinking recently about how I can be more intentional about blessing back my husband. I think sometimes we just go from day to day, do our things, take care of business, family, life, etc. I serve him by caring for our house and family, but I rarely go out of my way to give him an extra blessing. I’m going to look for a special something I can do for him this week to tell him how much I love and appreciate all he does for our family. 🙂
Aww, sweet, Gabrielle!
Hi Gabrielle,
How kind of you to drop by today and leave a comment – you’re entered into the drawing to with a free book. You post is a reminder to me as well, that I need to go out of my way to give my husband a good day by telling him the ways he has shaped my life. Just today I’ve heard news of another father (the third this summer) who passed away suddenly from heart attacks.
Love this concept!
I feel like my parents blessed me immensely growing up. Not sure I ever really thanked them for indulging in all of the writing I did, or the voice lessons they paid for. Those two things are my passions now, and who knows what role they’d be playing in my life if my parents hadn’t encouraged me the way they did.
I feel exactly the same about my parents, Linds. We’re blessed to be able to say that about our parents, aren’t we!
HI Lindsey,
Thanks so much for taking the time in your busy day to come by here. I don’t know why, but sometimes I think they can be the hardest people to thank – perhaps it has to do with eating humble pie? 🙂 But they truly deserve our thanks – I appreciate your reminding me to do so. Have a wonderful day.
Hi Melissa! Hi Julie!
I love this idea!
I would have to say my hubby. He’s so good to us.
HI back at ya, Loree!!
Loree,
Thanks for liking the BlessBack idea – hope you win the book because you dropped a comment by 🙂 Love that you are going to bless him back.
What a cool idea! Thanks for sharing this, Julie (and Melissa). I LOVE the part about each of us having a reason for our existence.
I loved that part, too!
Hi Stacy,
Thanks for dropping by to leave a comment – you’ll be entered in the drawing. Descartes said, “I think, therefore I am.” I’m taking it a step further. I think my reason for existence is _____, therefore I am going to make a difference in ______’s life today!
Hope you have a great day of existence 🙂
What an ingenious idea, Julie! Instead of chargebacks, we have blessbacks. Sweet! The two people, outside of family, who have blessed me the most are still integral parts of my life. I’m so thankful to be able to give them blessbacks often! Thanks for getting the word out about Julie’s new book, Melissa.
Happy to be a part of spreading the word, Donna! 🙂
Donna – thanks so much for coming on by today and leaving a comment. I am so glad to hear you are already living “The BlessBack Life” so you know of its power.
And yes, Melissa, thank you so much for giving the honor of being on your blog today and being so enthusiastic about my book. I am blessed to be getting to know you and you have fabulous followers!
I am going to make a pie for my neighbor who is always doing something for me. Not necessarily today mind you, but soon.
Hehe! Ooh, what kind of pie? Too bad I’m not your neighbor… 🙂
Chocolate cream with meringue
Mmmm….I’m just now eating lunch for the day…and if my stomach was growling before, it’s screeching now. 🙂
Pat,
Love this idea of baking a pie to give as part of your BlessBack. One of the ideas I suggest in BlessBack is to have a BlessBack Dinner – invite your friends to ask the person who has helped them – I guarantee there won’t be a dry eye in the room. Thanks so much for stopping by!
Melissa & Julie,
What a great concept…and it seems so basic…but sometimes we forget to follow through. I bless both of you back.
karenk
kmkuka at yahoo dot com
Hi Karen,
Thanks so much for stopping by Melissa’s blog today – And thanks for the BlessBack!
Melissa,
Thank you so much for giving me the chance to guest post on your blog today. I appreciate you and am looking forward to your guest posting on my blog in October.
You have a great and interactive readership!
I have heard so many people say that the art of thank yous are dead. It is true that many times we don’t remember to bless back those who have blessed us. There are so many people like that in my life… where to begin…I am planning a bit of blessing back at conference this year. Thanks, Julie for this great reminder to all of us of the power blessings can hold, especially when they keep on blessing.