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| Okay, so this is really where I should be placing a photo of my messy place or empty fridge so that it would be somewhat relevant to today’s post. But I’m not quite brave enough to do that. And besides, isn’t this whimsical dog much more entertaining to look at? Photo credit: stock.xchng |
Three women I’m pretty sure would hate me if a) they knew me and in some cases, b) were actually alive and in other cases, c) were, you know, real:
-Martha Stewart
-Julia Child
-June Cleaver
I’m not crafty like Martha. I’ve eaten instant oatmeal for more meals this week than I care to admit, which could really tork off someone like Julia. As for June…well, the day you catch me decked out in a dress, heels and pearls while vacuuming is probably the day…oh, never mind. It’d be shock enough to catch me upright in heels. (Or, let’s be honest, vacuuming at all.)
I bring this up because I had a moment earlier this week of mass domestic insecurity. My place still a mess of unpacked shopping bags and a suitcase from my last road trip. Fridge empty of almost everything except Diet Coke with Lime and about a thousand kinds of BBQ sauce. Laundry piles attempting to form their own mountain range.
And I haven’t even started thinking about decorating for Christmas.
Honestly, usually I laugh about my domestic decline of late. (And the ‘of late’ part is true. I used to play a pretty convincing Alice a la Brady Bunch. I blame my foray into the “serious writer” thing for my decline.)
But for whatever reason, this week I just felt bad. Like…I can’t do it all. Work full time during the day to nurture my bank account. Work full time in the early mornings and late evenings to nurture my writing dream. Travel more weekends than not. And still pull off the Good Housekeeping act.
I know I’m on the border of whining here, but there’s a point, I promise. And it’s this:
As I stood in my living room a few nights ago, feeling all “I’m so far from perfect woman I’d make Donna Reed cry,” I honestly think God might’ve rolled his eyes…or at least chuckled a little. And then said this:
You’re doing it again, Melissa. Defining yourself by what you do or don’t do. Finding your identity in the wrong things. Looking for worth in a place you’ll never find it.
It’s the repeat lesson of my life, I’m telling you. I’ve written countless times on this blog about this very thing. I spoke at ACFW a few months ago about it. Dude, it’s the overarching spiritual theme of my first book! But apparently I’m still learning it: That my identity is in Christ. That my worth is found in the name He’s given me: His.
I need those reminders from God, especially, in moments when I’m feeling less than successful at little stuff like housekeeping or big stuff like, well, life. This week, God reminded me through bringing to mind the verse one of my characters in Made to Last ends up clinging to:
“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever—do not abandon the works of your hands.” ~Psalm 138:8
When I’m solid in who I am in Christ, then I can trust him to fulfill his purpose for me. And maybe his purpose in my life right now simply doesn’t involve me winning any housekeeping awards. Or, maybe he’s going to drop a great solution in my lap for juggling it all.
But what I do know is, He’ll never abandon me. Not to a messy house. Not to a messy heart…not even one which seems bent on looking for definition in the silliest of places. He always pulls me back. Because I’m His.
And that’s so much better than anything Better Homes & Gardens has to offer.
Okay, so are there areas in your life in which you feel less than competent? Are you ever tempted to find your self worth in what you do or don’t do? What truths does God bring you back to time and again? (And do you know any handsome male maids I could hire/marry?)
Comments 28
So I entered an online contest last night and to do so you had to like Oreck’s FB page. (Oreck a top of the line vacuum, FYI.)
Stay with me, I have a point here, and yes, it is related to your post and your question.
To enter, I had to check one of four boxes. The question: Which one of these four people are you:
The Cook
The Crafter
The Cleaner
The Baker
And … I couldn’t in all honestly click on any of them.
I even asked my husband, “Which one of these am I?”
And he chuckled. Softly. But he did laugh.
(I think by the choice defined which Oreck vacuum fit my personality. I guess I don’t need to vacuum. Ever. Which is good. Because I don’t.)
All this to say: I understand, Melissa. I do.
About feeling bad that I won’t ever win the Proverbs 31 Woman of the Year Award … and learning that God still loves me for who I am, even as my very old, underused vacuum gathers dust in my closet.
I read this and laughed out loud because I could so relate to that conversation! Domestically challenged writers unite!
I laughed out loud, too, Anne. Oh Beth, you know what I thought as I read your comment? “What’s the difference between a baker and a cook, anyway?” You know, I read a blog somewhere once about how the focus of Proverbs 31 is actually on the man…and on the man choosing well when picking a wife. And I think it was intended to make women feel better, but all I could think was, um, shoot…if men really go by that definition of the perfect wife, I may be out of the running. HA! Totally kidding (mostly).
But yeah, thank you for empathizing! 🙂 And Anne, your call for unity among domestically challenged writers, love it. 🙂
Me, Anne, Melissa … we got 3 … who else wants to join us?!
😉
I’m in. I should be making dinner right now. Ahem. Gotta go.
Right there with you, Melissa! This (being both housekeeping and keeping my identity firmly in Christ and not letting myself be defined by what I do or don’t do) is also my continual struggle. But that struggle keeps me running to Jesus, which is, I guess, the point. I’ll never be Susie Homemaker, but thankfully my God, my husband, and my children love me anyway. 🙂
Oh yay, I love that I’m not alone in this. And I love that God and our families don’t judge us by our housekeeping skills. 🙂
I fight lies like this all the time. And clothes breed on my bedroom floor. Of this I’m sure. I get most of them put away, turn away for a second and look–they had babies!
I’m such a mess. Knowing this makes it that much easier to praise the good God He is for loving me and working in my messy life. 😀
~ Wendy
Haha on the clothes…they’re like bunnies…
I love that last part of your comment. Our messes make God’s awesome love that much, well, awesomer. 🙂
Oh yeah, all the time, even wrote a book about it too:) I think it’s a struggle for women especially. You are so not alone!
Oh the solidarity going on here today. Love it! And now I want to read your book. 🙂
I am a domestic disaster too! I always have been. I would much rather be tucked in bed reading or scratching away stories at my desk 🙂 Thanks for making me smile. I’ll keep a look out for handsome male maids!
Yes! Thank you for keeping an eye out for me! If he’s willing to take over our household financials AND let me put flannel sheets on the bed occasionally, all the better. 🙂
Oh, Melissa, a clean house is vastly overrated. Did you know you can be too clean? And when you are, your immune system doesn’t get built up the way it should (you don’t get exposed to all those germs)and you get sick more. Anyway, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Love your post! For so many years I define who I was by what I did. Trying not to do that anymore!
Um, I love that, Pat. Yes, we’re just looking out for our immune systems. That’s all. Haha…
Oh my goodness, that picture is priceless!! Bahaha!!
And yeah, like I said on your Facebook post, I can’t remember the last time I cleaned my house. My bathroom is disgusting. There’s dog hair everywhere. I feel the same as you, like “Man, I stink at housecleaning…I’m such a failure!” But one cool thing is my husband doesn’t really care how clean the house is. I do, but a lot of that is because my mom kept a super neat house and that’s the standard I’ve always held myself up to…and I shouldn’t. There will always be someone better than us at everything we do, won’t there? We can’t go around comparing ourselves and trying to be the best at everything.
Yeah, I should maybe make more of an effort, but if I do, it takes time away from my writing…
Plus, like you said, if I focus in on what I’m horrible at, I’m not focusing on my real identity: God’s daughter. One who He delights in, regardless of the state of her house or writing or anything else.
Thanks again for the reminder…especially as I have to clean my house today for a 40-people party!
Isn’t it a great photo? I burst out laughing when I saw it and knew I had to use it on the blog at some point. Unfortunately, I don’t really ever blog about dogs. Sooo…today I threw it in for no purpose at all. He just looks so contemplative…
I’m glad I’m not the only one who sometimes looks at my place and feels…less-than-competent. The thing is, I know I could be…but other things take priority…and then I start worrying that my priorities are out of whack…and then…it’s a vicious cycle of never feeling like I’ve got everything down pat. And that’s silly. Because God doesn’t view us that way. Friends and family usually don’t either. So why do we do it to ourselves…?
Hope you enjoy your big party!!
Melissa,
Well, girlie, apparently, you are SOOO not the only one. But THAT, my dear is supposed to make you feel better, NOT less special. (When anyone says to me “It is so not about you, Becky” I wanna pout, too…. Yet another weakness)
I’m a binge cleaner. I clean ONLY when I have company. So I schedule company once a month. It’s the only way my house gets cleaned. If my friends knew that I kept them around only so I could use them to get my house clean, well, they’d probably stop coming over…. Sigh. Please keep this to yourself.
Hugs,
Becky
Haha, Becky! It does make me feel better to hear I’m not the only one. Apparently it’s a universal woman/writer thing. 🙂
Maybe I should do what you do…schedule company at least once a month. Haha!
Hugs to you too! 🙂
We are who God made us to be, Melissa.
I’ve worn many hats, and tried on some others, but I’m always Loree – child of God.
I love that, Loree–child of God. It’s the best view we can possibly have of ourselves, that’s for sure.
Melissa, thanks for sharing! My home was so much more organized (and vacuumed) before writing consumed it. I really have to look past the things that won’t matter a year from now and concentrate on the bigger picture.
(…and as I type this I’ve just closed the closet door in my office. Inside is the mondo bag marked “burn pile.” The one I’ve intended to have for the past few years. 🙂 )
Concentrating on the bigger picture, yes. Would I rather have a clean place today or a well-written story tomorrow? I still dream of having both and maybe someday I’ll figure out how…but for now, it’s just nice to know I’m not the only one who feels not so Martha Stewart perfect. And really, she probably shouldn’t be the gold standard anyway considering that whole ankle bracelet stint!
*Sigh* If you could see my house now…but my excuse is the four children who live here – and, let’s be honest, my husband (sometimes I think he’s worse than the kids – and don’t worry about telling him I told you that, he knows how I feel). Tonight I actually cried. My little, adorable, priceless Asher makes my work even more intense. Tonight he poured a WHOLE large bottle of laundry soup into my front load washer. It’s going to take me at least half an hour to clean up that mess. It’s overwhelming and exhausting – and I’m so thankful I don’t have to work a full time job. But, between the housework, our outside committments, teaching my children (morality, values, faith, manners, numbers, letters, etc.), mainting a strong relationship with my husband, strengthening my friendships, volunteering in my church and community AND writing – the house often falls to the bottom of the list and that bothers me – I like a clean house, I like order and organization, but I value my sanity even more and I’ve had to learn to let it go. My husband is more important. My children are more important. My friendships are more important. My writing is more important. Phew. I needed to vent a little. You have no idea how timely your post was.
Oh Gabe, I’m sorry about the stress and busyness. You know, as I wrote this post, I actually thought to myself, I wonder if wives and moms will shake their heads at me. After all, I may feel busy and domestically challenged, but I’m not caring for a husband and kids at the same time. Not that I think any good ever comes of comparison, but I did wonder if my whining would ring a bit hollow. 🙂
But I am glad the post came at a timely time. Oh Asher…he’s the same one that cracked a bunch of eggs the other night, too, right?
I think you’re an awesome mom, Gabe, and wife, too, even though I’ve not met your family. Just reading your blogs and facebook posts, the obvious joy you have for your family…it rocks…
And you can vent here anytime!!
OH dear dear daughter. I can so relate. I grew up in a perfectly ordered home and much to my mom’s dismay way quite messy. It was the number one thing I got in trouble for growing up. I used to think that after having kids the problem of not being able to keep up with the standards with which I was raised….was,well, their fault. But now that we only have one left living at home the truth is coming out that the reason my closet looks messy after I just cleaned it out a couple weeks ago is because I made it messy. Gulp.
Anyway, when your dad and I got married, I had been raised so completely opposite of him. Exceedingly perfectly flawlessly (if wrong grammer sorry but gets the point across) clean house and pretty strict rules. His house, grime was no crime and guidelines took the sidelines if you know what I mean. So, the weird thing was, after marriage we kind of flipped and I was like “yes, I can make a mess” and he was like “clean is my dream.” That is when I developed “the illusion of clean”. Sweet daughter, have you forgotten? Please call me, we will discuss this.
But sad to say, if you are like me, the truth of the matter is, you probably feel better and more creative and just plain happier in a more orderly environment. Bummer! How did this happen?? Seriously, sometimes I have found that just taking a few minutes or 1/2 an hour to do something about whatever mess is bugging me helps make the next hours to come more enjoyable and yes even (not digging this word but oh well, here goes) productive. Yes, God loves me whether I clean or not. But one of the ways I show my love for my family is to care for the home we share. I am learning to do all for his glory…even clean. (occasionally)
🙂 Love ya Melissa
Oops, His should be capitalized. Where’s an editor when you need one?
Haha, this is possibly the best blog comment ever. I DO remember the illusion of clean. I pull it out myself sometimes…like recently when you guys stayed overnight here! Hahaha…remember how I told you not to look too closely at anything?
And yes, I DO feel better in a clean environment. I mean, yeah, I’ve had to let go of reaching for domestic perfection, that’s for sure. But I’m not ready to entirely given into being a slob. 🙂 My struggle is simply getting it all done…and then feeling like a failure when I don’t…and then remembering that those failures aren’t who I am…and what’s funny is, if I took the time to really clean and cook and all that, I’d then feel like a failure because I didn’t get enough writing done. And so we’re back to God chuckling and reminding me my achievements or lack there-of aren’t what he’s looking at anyway. He’s so good at the reminders…
And more often than not, His reminders come in the form of other people–especially you and Dad. Which is awesome. 🙂 Love you too!