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| This is a field. Totally kind of relevant to the post. Photo credit: stock.xchng |
So, my coworker Denise—who is above all, fabulously fun to work with—told the funniest story in the office yesterday. She made a great meal for her husband the night before and in an attempt to pay her a compliment, her husband said, “Denise, you are a Psalm 31 wife.”
Now, the verbal typo is funny, BUT it’s even funnier when you actually read Psalm 31. Here’s a snippet:
Because of all my enemies,
I am the utter contempt of my neighbors
and an object of dread to my closest friends—
those who see me on the street flee from me.
I am forgotten as though I were dead;
I have become like broken pottery.
For I hear many whispering,
“Terror on every side!”
They conspire against me
and plot to take my life.
I am the utter contempt of my neighbors
and an object of dread to my closest friends—
those who see me on the street flee from me.
I am forgotten as though I were dead;
I have become like broken pottery.
For I hear many whispering,
“Terror on every side!”
They conspire against me
and plot to take my life.
Actually later in the chapter it talks about being strong and hoping in the Lord…much happier. But still, I’m pretty sure my coworker’s husband did not mean to call her an object of dread to all her friends or insinuate that she has enemies plotting to take her life.
Awesome story, yeah?
But it kicked off a brief discussion about Proverbs 31 in our office.
And here’s where I make a confession: Sometimes I have slight issues with how Proverbs 31 is read and applied by some. As if it’s a checklist women need to fulfill in order to be the perfect, godly woman…(Definitely not talking about Denise and her husband here, by the way.)
Realize this is just me and I am in no way a Biblical scholar…but it seems to me that we’re taking that chapter out of context when we look at it as a to-do list to fulfill…or be found lacking and imperfect.
Here’s the thing: The perfect woman doesn’t exist. And I don’t think this chapter in Proverbs is meant to pressure women into being proper Martha Stewarts by fulfilling Every. Single. Quality. listed. Because that would have all sorts of isolating implications. Consider:
- The woman who works a full-time job and can’t “get up while it is still night” to cook for her family.
- A physically handicapped woman who can’t do her work “vigorously,” or whose arms “aren’t strong for her tasks.
- The woman whose children stray, reject her and don’t “call her blessed.”
- The woman who can’t afford to buy property out of her earnings.
More than anything, when we read Proverbs 31 as if it’s a comprehensive list of must-do’s—whether as women placing demands on ourselves or men looking for the ideal wife—in a way we’re relegating ourselves to a life of striving to have it all together.
And look, the idea of having an organized, successful home and work life, juggling it all and doing well, that’s great. But at the end of the day, I don’t think God wants me coming to him with only a bunch of womanly strengths and successes to offer…
But also my weaknesses.
My messes.
My willingness humble myself and say I CAN’T DO IT ALL!
And that’s when he says, “Melissa, I’ve got this. I don’t need your Proverbs 31 awesomeness or lack thereof. I need your heart. I need your trust.”
It makes me think of these verses in Romans 5, which I love, especially as they’re paraphrased in The Message:
“By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.” [emphasis mine]
Wide open spaces. Don’t you love that?
And when I look at Proverbs 31 through the lens of “wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory,” it’s suddenly freeing.
Because it’s no longer a binding checklist…but a field of opportunities. A wide open space where there’s room for all kinds of women with different personalities, strengths, and talents.
And it’s no longer about me striving for comprehensive perfection…but about trusting God to help me find my place within that Proverbs 31 ideal, to be the person He created me to be. Someone discovering the doors He’s thrown open and walking confidently through them.
Okay, what are your thoughts on the Proverbs 31 chapter? Are my “it’s not a checklist” ideas off base? I’d love to hear what you think.
p.s. One of my coworkers pointed to Proverbs 31:25 during our discussion and I don’t think I’ve ever really camped out on that verse before. But it’s so great!
She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
Comments 28
I love “wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory.” Actually, I happened to read Proverbs 31 again just yesterday, and what struck me was not, like you said, the checklist of things most people talk about but instead the attitudes of that woman. Strength, dignity, no fear of the future, kindness on her tongues, does her husband good and not evil. Those thought threw me back to Colossians: whether you or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. (paraphrase) The older I get, the more I see Proverbs 31 as a visual of a woman whose heart is right with God. Everything else flows from that.
Oh, I love those last two lines of your comment. And I so agree…when the focus is on what we’re doing/not doing, we generally end up frustrated. When the focus is on who we’re becoming, the other stuff falls into place.
Nothing can be a checklist b/c we are each unique designs. He’s prompting us each in our own ways…hence the Holy Spirit.
I adore the thought of laughing without fear of the future–absolutely love that!
I love that thought too. It’s a pretty good picture of the person I want to be!
So agree with you Melissa. And I love the Psalm 31 story. Actually one of my favorite verses is in that Psalm. verse 8–You have set my feet in a spacious place.
Oh really? I should’ve read earlier in that chapter, because the “spacious place” piece goes perfectly with the rest of this post. 🙂
The Psalm 31 woman story cracked me up. Love it. Love your message about Proverbs 31 as well, Melissa. The last thing I need is another checklist of how to be the perfect anything, let alone a perfect godly wife. I fall so short that ideal it’s not funny. I prefer the idea of Proverbs 31 being a list of traits many women possess in differing degrees, making each of unique and beloved of God–and our families.
Yes, I like that you mention many women…I don’t think Proverbs 31 was ever meant to describe one, perfect person.
Melissa, this is tremendous. And while I strive to be the Proverbs 31 kind of wife (and mama) my family needs me to be, I’m simply not there yet. Probably won’t ever be, but God understands (as I think you summed up beautifully.) I use that scripture passage as a guide while knowing, too, perfection is only found in the Author of life himself.
I’ve never believed I could be Superwoman (have it all, do it all, be it all), but there are those who seem to juggle the whole enchilada quite skillfully…until they slip on the banana peel. 🙂
Oh dear, is it wrong to admit that every once in awhile there’s an immature piece of me that appreciates it when a so-called Superwoman “slips on the banana peel?” Yes, it is wrong. Ha!! But sometimes I just need to know I’m not the only imperfect one… 🙂
Melissa:
I love you, my friend. I. LOVE. You.
I love your faith in God — it is real and refreshing and I think you make God smile and laugh in a “Melissa, you delight me” kind of way.
The Proverbs 31 woman? I chased after her for years … until I was exhausted.
Verse 25? That’s my favorite part of Proverbs 31.
And I love you, Beth!
Wow, Melissa, what a beautiful NEEDED post! God doesn’t want our exhausted leftovers, He wants all of us – as you said, messes, failures, misplaced emotions, ALL of us. Actually, I’ve never tried to be a Proverbs 31 woman. {Gasp!} Since I didn’t grow up going to church, the first time I read Proverbs 31 made me laugh. Hard. No one can keep up with her – and I knew it was pointless to try. I guess because somewhere deep down, I realized God loved me for how He made ME. Not when I choose to be someone other than He wired me to be and accomplish. Man, I love your heart after God, sweet Friend.
“Our exhausted leftovers…” That’s such a good phrase, Donna. I hate it when I feel like I’m getting to that point and whenever I do, it’s usually because I’m ridiculously reaching for some kind of accomplished perfection rather than resting in the knowledge that God made me to be me…not someone else…
Yes, yes, yes. You know me, I’m a checklist sort of person. And when I start to look at the Proverbs 31 passage as a checklist, I get overwhelmed. Because how am I supposed to do ALL of that and do it well? It’s exhausting. But you’re right. Our hearts are what matter to God. Personally, I think that if I have a messy house (which I do much of the time) but a happy husband and time with my God, then isn’t that better than striving for things that matter less than that?
Haha, we are both checklist people. That’s probably why it’s tempting for me to read Proverbs 31 and go all slumped shoulder at the thought of trying to measure up.
That passage can be SO intimidating, but I doubt God meant for us to feel that way! He knows us better than we know ourselves, so I’m thankful for the grace He provides to be me, hot mess and all.
Grace pretty much rocks. 🙂
This is GREAT Melissa. Thanks for your thoughts. They’re right on!
Thanks, Peter. And thanks so much for stopping by!
Wonderful post, Melissa. Spot on, sister. Spot on. I grew up a total tomboy, a warrior!, and always read this chapter out of the corner of my eye, because I knew I could never measure up to that shrine of womanhood. But I still remember discovering verses 17 & 18 “She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She senses that her gain is good; her lamp does not go out at night.” and realized that there was a WARRIOR in that woman after all. And now? “She senses that her gain is good; her lamp does not go out at night,” has a whole new meaning to me AS A WRITER! Hee! When my fingers are flying, my brain is in deeeeeeep POV, and my gain is good, my lamp does NOT GO OUT! And in the dead of night, my family often hears me laughing, but I don’t know that it’s without fear for the future. Probably slightly too maniacal to qualify. Mwahahahaha!
Great way to wrap up this week.
Ha, I like your maniacal life at the end there. 🙂
I’m a fan of Proverbs 31–not because it’s a to-do list, but because it’s about a woman who is confident, trustworthy, humble, strong, and filled with faith. Being the Proverbs 31 woman is going to look different for each and every one of us. If that chapter were written about me, it would list different accomplishments, but hopefully, as a woman led by the Spirit, it would have all the same attributes (hopefully–I’m a work-in-progress). I love the last two lines you shared. She is clothed in strength and dignity; she laughs without fear of the future. I love that her husband and children rise up and call her blessed. I love that she’s using her strengths. I love that she’s a woman after God’s own heart. Those are the things I hope for.
Yes, all those traits are good ones…and I like what you said about her using her strengths. Maybe it’s not a matter of “here are all the things I don’t have and am not doing right” so much as “here are the strengths God has given me. Now what am I doing with them?”
Ohhhhh, girl, you nailed it!!
I tell people that I am the perfect Proverbs 32 woman.
I do not care to get up early and yet my kids are still alive.
I snark at people. I put the ‘J’ in judgmental.
AND the ‘mental’, too.
I don’t care about what the perfect TV woman looks like, seriously.
I have seen far too many women crack under the Proverbs 31 pressures.
I compared myself for decades and you know where it got me? Sitting in a corner humming Jesus Loves Me, because all I could do.
I want to be the wife, mother and friend that is known for a solid heart, a listening ear and a ready supply of cheering up.
Somebody else can sit at the gates.
Oh Jennifer, you crack me up, as always!
Melissa, beautiful understanding & great inspiration in leading others to share their views.
Thank you, Ian! And thanks for stopping by…all the way from Australia. 🙂