You know what’s so not easy? Answer: writing kissing scenes.
For real, people. If you’re a writer, you know this. But you know what’s even more difficult? Listening to said scene being read aloud…in a group setting…with your mom present.
Okay, I’ve not been through this, but today’s guest poster—the lovely and hilarious Evangeline Denmark—has! Evangeline is the co-author of two children’s books and has pretty much the coolest book trailer ever for her novel, The Immortal Heathcliff. I love her post today—it’s funny with a truly wonderful side of wisdom. (I’m also pretty sure it’s the first time anyone has ever used the term “face-sucking” on Tag(g)lines!) Check out the video intro, then read, laugh, enjoy…and discuss in the comments!
10 Tips for Handling Awkward Critique Group Moments
I’ve earned the nickname “Da Corruptor” in my critique group for repeatedly bringing spicy romantic scenes to our weekly meetings. Please notice, I said spicy, not naughty. For the most part I believe in and follow the widely-held CBA rule of closing the bedroom door when it comes to sex. But sexual tension? Well that’s a romance author’s whip cream and strawberries, right? We make a living (or try to) on that stuff.
But despite my nickname, I’m mortified whenever I bring a kissing scene to critique group, especially because we read each other’s work aloud and my own mother happens to be a member. So, I’ve come up with 10 tips for bashful authors like myself, who, while remaining committed to a certain moral standard, still like their romance charged with sparks and dripping with juicy kisses.
10. Save that scene for a day you’re sick and email it to the members of your critique group.
9. Interrupt the person reading your work just when things get juicy and tell them to skip ahead to the inevitable misunderstanding, slap, or heroine’s demure withdrawal.
8. Excuse yourself, tell the group to carry on, and hide in the bathroom until they’ve finished the romantic scene.
7. Take copious notes while the scene is being read. That way, anyone inclined to comment will think you’ve already realized the error of your ways and will be censoring that smooch to a peck.
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| Evangeline and her critique group |
6. Shift the shame. Bring that scene when another member has brought a guest, preferably her mother-in-law, then have that critiquer read the spicy scene.
5. Apologize before the scene is read and hint that disastrous plot twists await after this minor awkwardness.
4. Get on your soapbox and argue, passionately of course, that God made men and women to be attracted to one another, and there’s nothing wrong with a little face-sucking between fictional characters.
3. Self-righteously proclaim your superiority to all those bodice-ripper authors.
2. Shamelessly admit you involved your husband in “research” for this chapter.
1. Bring a toned-down version to group then spice that baby up after it’s been through critique.
I’ve employed all these methods at one time or another, but I have a special fondness for number 6. I vividly remember my critique partner Mary reading a romantic scene with her mother-in-law sitting in a rocking chair beside her. The warmer the scene got, the faster Mary’s MIL rocked. Later she told Mary that she shouldn’t let her teenage daughter read my stuff! Right about then I wanted to resort to number 3 on the list, but I did re-evaluate the scene to make sure my conscience remained clear.
And that’s what it comes down to. There are differing opinions as to what is acceptable and what is not. I referred to the “shut the bedroom door” rule earlier, but we know our fellow authors run the gamut in what they term acceptable. All joking aside, my personal approach to sexual tension in my craft is this:
- Pray.
- Evaluate my intentions.
- Keep a constant pulse on my conscience.
- Listen to wise counsel.
- Repeat steps 1-3.
And despite being nicknamed “Da Corruptor” and teased relentlessly, none of my trusted, God-honoring critique partners have ever told me I’ve gone too far.
So what’s your approach to this tender topic? I don’t want to start an argument, but I’d like to hear from other authors. What goes on in your heart and mind when you’re writing a romantic scene? Do you have a checklist? And have you ever hidden in the bathroom to avoid critique group embarrassment?
Evangeline Denmark is a children’s book author, novelist, blogger, and pajama enthusiast. She co-wrote The Dragon and the Turtle (Waterbrook Press, 2010) and The Dragon and the Turtle Go on Safari with her mom, CBA best-selling author Donita K. Paul. Evangeline’s blog, Breathe In Breathe Out offers sympathetic humor for women who barely have time to, you guessed it, breathe in and breathe out. Connect with Evangeline on Facebook and Twitter.
Comments 28
I LOVE spicy scenes and my checklist looks pretty much like yours. There’s been a time or two I’ve felt the Lord say, “Okay, now you’re just getting carried away.” And I’ve had to revise! Loved this post! Love your nickname! LOL
Thanks, Jessica. It sounds like we have the same approach. Sometimes I have to remind myself of the old “less is more” adage. If I can get more tension out of a look or an accidental brush of the hand than full-on face-sucking, as I like to call it, then, man, do I feel like I’ve done my job as a writer!
I so agree on the less is more thing. I actually think it takes more skill as a writer to paint romance subtly than going full-on physical.
I had to laugh at the terms “face sucking” and “bodice rippers.” Awesome.
I write women’s fiction, so I don’t think I’ll always have a kissing scene, though I’ve had to evaluate how much detail to go into, for sure. I’m specifically asking my beta readers if there is anything uncomfortable in the novel I’m sending them (in a week…eek!), so hopefully I’ll get honest responses. And it’s a whole lot less intimidating to get that info in writing than in person! Ha.
And don’t worry, Melissa. Lots of us say “totally cool” all the time. 😛
Lindsay, I would be LOST without my critique group and beta readers! I like that you specifically ask your readers about certain elements. That shows you are very in touch with your intended audience. I wonder if these precious readers know how much we value them and their honest opinions? Maybe I better send mine chocolate, now that I’m thinking about it.
Chocolate…mmm…
AH! Loved this! Why is a kiss so amazingly simple to give my Hubby and so nearly impossible to write? It is the height of intimacy in our books- how do people ever write MORE than a kiss (I love #3, BTW. HA!). Your list above is very much what I do too. I want my characters to be real and let’s face it, kissing often pushes for more, we all have hormones people! So if it’s been a struggle for me – it had better be a struggle for them. I have had one friend say she sees me completely differently after reading one of my WIP’s (it’s hidden in a drawer, but not for THAT reason!) because she didn’t know I was so “passionate”…I wasn’t – but maybe my characters were:) And that’s the thing, each set of characters are different. Some kisses are sweet, others as timid, and then there’s the spicy ones! Kuddos for you letting your MOM read those ones:)
Great to meet you Evangeline! And HI Melissa:)
I’ve often wondered how some authors manage to write those explicit scenes then go have dinner with their in-laws! Or their mom! I know it’s a completely different publishing world for them, but I’d just melt a hole in the floor if I wrote those scenes and my friends and family knew about it.
Susan, you know what I thought of when you said a reader said she “didn’t know you were so passionate?” How often people associate things we have our characters do with ourselves. It’s like, say I have a female character act pretty forward…that doesn’t mean I’m that way!
And Evangeline, I don’t know how people write those explicit scenes either! I’d walk around with a permanent blush.
Great post, Evangeline! Although I’ve never written the bodice-ripper type scenes, I think writing a sweet, highly-tensed kiss is probably harder than writing the explicit scenes.
Thanks, Melissa for such a great guest poster!
Well, we know for sure it’s harder to sell a novel (in ABA) without those bodice-ripping scenes. But sexual tension is all about NOT doing it, so I’d think an author willing to go there would be shooting herself in the foot. How do you then maintain the tension through the rest of the novel? But those sweet kisses you mentioned? They add just the right touch of spice, I think, and make your reader keep reading!
Amen to both of you!
Ha ha! I love this list. I snorted through my nose when I read #2. 🙂 I believe in spicy romance scenes as a Christian writer. The way I see it, if a reader of romance can’t get the spice in a safe Christian novel, they will go elsewhere. I agree that such scenes should be carefully evaluated, prayed over, and discussed with Christian friends/mentors. 🙂
Exactly, Gwendolyn! I’ve had several conversations with my critiquers about how God created sex BEFORE the fall. It is beautiful, but our world has made it dark and ugly. Hopefully, with our writing we can redirect attitudes and thoughts to focus on what it was meant to be. But even with the best intentions, you still need accountability. At least I do, spicy girl that I am.
I feel like this conversation is giving whole new meaning to “Spice Girls.” 🙂
Oh, dear. Christian Spice. Careful Spice. Spice Control. Bland Spice aka Paprika.
What a fun post! I love how Evangeline’s sense of humor shines through. Makes me very curious about her kissing scenes. =)
Thanks, Keli. I hope one of these days one of those scenes will make it beyond my crique group and beta readers! But for now my specific blend of supernatural romance hasn’t found a publishing home. But I do think CBA is becoming more open to the idea of paranormal romance. I’m excited to read Zondervan’s new angel paranormal novel, Halflings, by Heather Burch.
Keli, I had the exact same thought. I seriously need to read Evangline’s stuff!
Thanks for having me on your blog today, Melissa, and thanks for your totally cool video intro. I loved hanging out with you and the MBT folks at conference. I’ve told Beth Vogt that the MBT crowd is addicting. They’re so fun and encouraging, and there’s always chocolate!
And thanks to everyone for participating in the discussion. It’s always intimidating to stand up and say, “I like my kissing scenes spicy,” but you’ve made me feel welcome and safe.
This has been such a fun conversation, Evangeline. I think writers in CBA walk such a fine balance between wanting to be real with what they write (and come on, the physical side of romance is a real side of romance) and desiring to honor God, help keep readers’ thoughts pure, etc. I think it’s totally possible to do both and the steps at the end of your post are the best way to go about that.
Yeah, it was a blast hanging out at ACFW. I love MBT so much. And I love that it’s an ever-expanding, arms-wide-open community.
I hope to make it to one of the MBT retreats someday but the timing has just never worked out. It’s hard with young kids and a busy hubby. But I will get there!
Great post, Melissa and Evangeline. I love being the one to read the scene in crit group, to add that extra little spice with just the right tone of voice to make the author really blush. Remember Lisa at ACFW, Melissa? 🙂 Fun!
I remember that, Sandra! I’m pretty sure I was giggling so hard I had tears streaming down my face. You are a great reader, by the way!
I think I was there too! I remember hearing Lisa’s lovely scene read out loud while she turned red.
Love this post! Great advice, Evangeline. Thankfully at my in-person crit group we don’t read each other’s stuff out loud – we e-mail it out the week before and critique it before bringing it to group.
But your post reminds me of watching the movie Emma with my husband before we got married (at the time he was my best friend). I was so embarrased about watching Emma get together with Mr. Knightley (her best friend) with my best friend sitting beside me, that I fast-forwarded to the end! 🙂
That’s so cute about watching Emma with your husband, Stacy. I love it! And I love that in a way it mirrored you and your husband as best friends. 🙂
That is a great moment in your relationship history, in retrospect, of course. I can just feel your awkwardness in that situation. But did your husband register the parallels in your relationship at the time or was he blissfully clueless?