It’s a Wonderful Life, Jean Arthur, Cary Grant … and some thoughts on identity

A few weeks ago my uncle came to town. Not only did we eat at one of my favorite restaurants ever (Famous Daves—yes, the setting of all my best restaurant stories!) but we also went to this glorious place called Half Price Books.

Man, I love that place. I actually buy very little fiction there. Instead, as soon as I walk in the door, I practically sprint to the performing arts section where I have absolutely no self-control as I pour through books about classic movies and golden era actors and actresses. Seriously, Dave Ramsey would cry if he knew how easily I plunk down money there. And I totally hit the motherload this time: a fabulous book about Sound of Music, an Audrey Hepburn biography and…the coolest book ever on It’s a Wonderful Life!!

Here’s what you need to know about It’s a Wonderful Life: It’s a Wonderful Movie. Possibly the best ever. In fact, if you haven’t seen it a) GASP!!! and b) you should probably stop reading this post and go watch it. Right now.

Anyway, I learned something I hadn’t known before as I read my new book (yes, while I was supposed to be working on revisions). Apparently, originally Frank Capra wanted to star Jean Arthur as Mary Hatch opposite Jimmy Stewart’s George Bailey. If you know the movie (or if you just took my advice, abandoned this post to go watch it and are now back to finish reading), then you know Donna Reed is the female lead. I’ve always taken a bit of pride in that since she’s from Iowa. And she’s prefect in the role!

But Jean Arthur…

Jean Arthur

Jean Arthur is amazing. She’s tied with Carole Lombard as my second-favorite actress (behind Katherine Hepburn). 

She’s also, in my opinion, one of the most underrated actors of classic Hollywood…right up there with Fred MacMurray. Oh, people knew her back then. She was known as the queen of screwball comedy and starred in great movies like Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, You Can’t Take it With You, Meet John Doe, Mr. Deeds Goes to Town, etc. But these days, when people look back on golden era Hollywood, they just don’t tend to mention her alongside the greats.


So when I found out she’d been Capra’s first choice to star in one of my favorite movies EVER, I of course had to Google her to see if there were other fun facts I didn’t know. And while I’m tempted to just self-indulgently throw out bits of trivia for my own entertainment, there is actually a point to this post and it starts with a Jean Arthur quote I came across in my reading:

“I guess I became an actress because I didn’t want to be myself.”

I know, just a simple little quote but I couldn’t get it out of my head. It reminded me of a quote I once read from Cary Grant.

“Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant.”

Both quotes, to me, speak to a sort of dissatisfaction both Jean Arthur and Cary Grant must have had with their actual identities versus the identities they or studios or tabloids created for them. Jean Arthur was actually notorious for disdaining interviews, once saying, hopefully rather hyperbolically, that she’d rather have her throat slit than give an interview—which seems to only further the idea that she was more comfortable playing a role than being herself in front of a reporter.

And Cary Grant, well, his quote feels like a sort of admission: He knew the Cary Grant everyone saw on screen or the red carpet wasn’t entirely the real Cary Grant.

And as I pondered both actors and quotes, I kept thinking…there’s something here… 

It’s this thing with identity. Wanting to know who we are. Maybe not being happy with who we are. Or, perhaps like Cary Grant, wishing who we were matched up with the image others might have of us.

It’s easy to think that’s a new problem—that social media has turned us into people who only display the best of ourselves or even made-up selves in Facebook photos or 140-character tweets. Or that the age of the internet has turned us into inauthentic people…actors like Arthur and Grant who know they’re playing roles. But no, these couple quotes combined with the obvious reality that humans are and always have been, well, human remind me this is nothing new.

As humans, we crave being known.
Being understood.
But also…being liked.
Maybe, especially, knowing and understanding and liking our own selves.

We crave authenticity. From others, yes…

But ourselves too. Because we know when we’re not being true to the person we were created to be. We can feel it. Trying to be someone we’re not, acting or trying to live up to an image…it’s suffocating.

So I’ve had these rambley thoughts ping-ponging in my brain for a few days now and have been wondering where they were pointing. Then Monday, I found myself writing this in response to a comment from awesome author Ian Acheson on a different blog:

Time and again, God keeps reminding me of the truth: That if I really want to know who I am, then the best thing I can do is know who He is…that’s where I’ll find real identity and purpose.

And it hit me as I typed the words: this is it. 

I want to be the person God created me to be. And I often think I know who that “who” is. But then I have these moments when I realize I’m really just floundering around…once again finding my identity in all the wrong things. Or like Arthur or Grant, trying to be somebody else.

But if I really want to know who I am, if I want to genuinely be the person I was created to be, then what better way than to get to know the One who created me? Because the more I know Him, the more the whos and whys and whats of my life gel…and the more I understand the Melissa Tagg He made me to be.

And the more I understand her, the more authentic and real I’m able to be.

Deep thoughts for a Wednesday, perhaps, but what do you think? Can we get to know ourselves by getting to know God?

…also, let this be a lesson: Great life truths can result from great movies and impulsive book purchases!

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    Comments 23

    1. Great post, Melissa, and so much truth.

      I say yes, if we get to know God we get to know ourselves, our true identity. He alone holds the key to all we can be. (I’m smiling because I just rhymed).

      For years I tried to be someone I never was meant to be. It wasn’t until I heard God’s gentle whisper that told me I am not that woman but something but more, I am His, that I began to open my eyes and my heart to my true self.I like her a lot better 🙂

      ~Melissa

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    2. LOVE this post and the way you express your thoughts 🙂 And yes (AMEN) to great life truths resulting from great movies and impulsive book purchases! It’s a Wonderful Life is a favorite of mine also and I love the movie trivia, I’m just not familiar with the older movies as you are 🙂

      Cary Grant was my dad’s fave actor at one time and he named my kid brother after him since our last name is Grant (except spelled differently) so it’s a family joke when telling people I have a brother named Kary Grant (although in my humble opinion my brother is more amazing than any actor out there). When the time is right, I’ll be showing him this blog post because you bring such beauty and humor with these revelations 🙂

      It’s amazing to think that even the elite of Hollywood need Christ just as desperately as we civilians do despite the glitz and glamour they are surrounded by. Not knowing your identity/your worth in God will mess with your head and that’s an excellent lesson we see evident with these incredible actors.

      To answer your question in bold, YES! The only way to know ourselves is by knowing God, but even if we have trouble seeking Him for these truths….no problem because He’s ALWAYS pursuing us, He’s relentless, and He’s faithful. Your desire is there, Melissa, God will take care of the rest and make Himself known to you.

      Thanks for always being so real and I’m glad you had fun with your uncle 🙂 Will continue praying for you as these revelations keep coming, you’re such a blessing to your readers.

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      1. Yay for loving movie trivia. Don’t feel bad about not being familiar with older movies. I’m like a lost little girl when it comes to movies any newer than 1970. Haha!!

        I love that your dad named your brother after Cary Grant! How fun. And for your brother’s sake, I’m glad he used Cary Grant’s stage name rather than his real name–Archibald Leach. 🙂

        I also love what you said about God’s love being relentless…it’s so true. I have a bracelet that says the word “relentless” on it and I wore it for the better part of year awhile back…a reminder to myself…of God’s relentless love and my own hope to live a relentless life. 🙂

        Thanks so much for your super kind comment!

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      2. LOL Melissa! I NEVER considered the benefit of my dad picking the stage name over his real one, thank you Jesus for that 🙂 Love that bracelet, that’s a good word in the new year to claim and very relevant in our Christian walk. We do need reminders about God’s fierce love for us, thanks for sharing your heart as you do.

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      3. Haha, yes, your brother could’ve been stuck with a name like Archibald. If he’s ever tempted to complain about his name or anything, you can just remind him of that. 🙂 And I’m wearing my “relentless” bracelet today!

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    3. Whew. Heavy, awesome thoughts. I think you’re right…it all comes down to who we are in Him. If we try to define our lives, our identities by any other compass, we’ll be led astray.

      Lots to think about. But I love the bottom line: run to Him and find yourself.

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    4. At a men’s retreat a few years ago, I was feeling the pressure to stand up and proclaim, like all the other guys in attendance, how the lesson’s I’d learned that weekend were going to make me a better man. Instead of yielding to my pride (for a change) by trying to come up with something profound, I just jotted a prayer on a piece of paper: “Lord, I just want to be myself. Please help me to be the man you’ve created me to be.”

      Your wonderful post summarizes what I’ve been learning in the years since, that “if I really want to know who I am, if I want to genuinely be the person I was created to be, then what better way than to get to know the One who created me?”

      Thanks for the timely reminder.

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      1. Rory, thanks so much for stopping by! And that prayer you jotted down…that is awesome. I think that’s probably the kind of prayer God wants to hear from us most…a heartfelt desire to just be the people he created us to be…because when that’s who we are, all the rest of it–our purpose, our desire to make a difference and to live a life that reflects Christ–well, that will happen by default when we’re being who he made us to be.

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      1. Yeah, I think you’re right…there’s something scary about that. But also really, really comforting…because I think He sees a lot of wonderful stuff in us that we don’t. I tend to see my shortcomings…whereas I think He sees His creation. And when I think about how much I love something I’ve “created”–like my book, for instance–it’s so special to me. It’s something I cherish, even though I know it’s so not perfect.

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    6. Melissa, I think it’s awesome that you love old movies and the great stars of yesterday! (And…It’s a Wonderful Life… hands down, one of the best movies EVER!) Love Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed! And Fred MacMurray… he was great, too! There seemed to be more versatility in our stars of the past.

      It’s sad to think of how some of our role models today think they have to sacrifice who God intended them to be. My heart breaks over their “identity crisis.”

      Thank you for candidly sharing your thoughts on identity today. So much wisdom in this post! Loved it!

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      1. Oh yeah, definitely more versatility, I agree. Actually in my new book, I was reading how Frank Capra believed the actors and actresses were the most important part of making a movie. He felt if the audience was overly aware of special effects (not that they had much in the way of special effects back then) or lighting or camera angles, then they weren’t as caught up in the story. But that puts a lot more weight on the shoulders of the actors…and I think maybe that’s part of why they were so versatile, because the focus was on them rather than CGI and other effects.

        Oh yeah, I think there are definitely role models who are living out their identity crises in a big stage. It’s sad…I mean, I guess a lot of us go through identity crisis years…but at least most of us don’t do so in public.

        Thanks for stopping by!

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      1. You’re welcome, and thanks for smiling. 🙂 This was one of those posts I felt like I wrote more for myself than anything…so if my rambley thoughts actually made sense enough to make someone smile, I’m happy. 🙂

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      1. Thanks, Stacy. I’m bad at keeping up with my magazine reading so I was really happy that one person texted me about the ad and another wrote about it on my FB page…I might have missed it otherwise. It was definitely fun to see. 🙂

        Reply

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