I like to think I wasn’t that difficult of a teenager. In my memory, I was an over-achieving goody-two-shoes with weird style, yes, but more love for books than trouble-making.
I did get grounded once. The bad, bad thing I did to earn the grounding is this: Some friends and I told our parents we were going to a nearby lake…but finding the lake too crowded, we instead drove about half an hour away to a rock quarry where the boys impressed us by jumping in.
This may not have been such a bad thing if just one of us had thought to call our parents to let them know where we were.
And if a sudden tornado warning hadn’t gone into effect at the time.
So all the parents panicked when they couldn’t find us. And my sister and I were grounded, despite our protests that it wasn’t OUR fault the boys decided to drive us to the quarry. What were we supposed to do? It’s not like we all had cell phones waaaay back then.
But that’s the only time I remember getting in BIG trouble. It’s very possible my parents remember my teenage years somewhat differently. Mom or Dad, if you happen to read this, feel free to chime in.
*****
Recently I had a conversation with a friend on Facebook. I was bemoaning the writing of my third book. Why is it sooooo hard? I whined. Shouldn’t each subsequent book get easier?
My friend had a pretty brilliant response. And it went like this:
I guess I can’t compare to your writing books, but my analogy would be having kids.
The first kid, you fuss over, try to get everything right, and still end up feeling like a failure. The second kid, you have learned through mistakes, so you try not to make the same mistakes, and you try to do better, and ultimately still feel like a failure. Not to a third kid, but I’m guessing everything repeats: try not to make the same mistakes, try to do better, and ultimately still feel like a failure.
So I don’t know if that is discouraging or encouraging, but I think your books will all be great because you are a great writer, and each time you will be harder on yourself and try to one up yourself, but you can’t compare your books to each other. Just like I can’t compare S and D since they have totally different personalities.
So your books will have different personalities and quirks and temper tantrums and teenage angst and you will wonder why you ever created them, but then they will bring you joy because the books bring others joy.
And that’s the point in the conversation where I got really frustrated about my lack of teleporting abilities. Because I just wanted to hug her and she lives too far away.
*****
It’s those words, “teenage angst” that most stuck with me after our conversation. Because that’s exactly how this third book has felt to me. Angsty and irrational and moody.
Like it’s just trying to make my life difficult.
Which, I’m gonna guess, is how many parents of teenagers feel.
And I started thinking then, what did I most need from my parents in those moody times? Because I can say all I want that I wasn’t that rebellious of a teenager, but come on, I was a teenager. And I was a girl. No one does angst better than teenage girls. No one. (Except maybe boy band singers whenever it’s time to whip out a ballad.)
There are two things I think I most needed in those moments—and in a certain order:
1) Space
2) Love. But not just any love—the kind that intrudes on that first part and forces me to talk. Which is why there’s an order to this.
On those “I hate being a teenager, life is horrible, everything’s falling apart!” days, I needed space. Heck, when I have those days now, I need space.
For awhile. And then after my initial freakout, that’s when I need the people to whom I’m closest to stomp past the boundaries I tend to put up and just love me enough to make me talk.
And it’s the exact same thing this moody book three has needed.
First, it needed space. Which is exactly what it (and I) got last week when I took a mini-vacay. I visited one of my best friends down in Phoenix and for three luxurious days, all we did was eat and sit out by the pool and watch movies and talk and laugh. It was sooooo good. I ignored the whispers of my approaching deadline and just relaxed.
But now…now I’m in that second part. My story got its space. My brain got its break.
Now it’s time to love my story into talking to me. It’s time to dig in, remember what sparked this story, find my love for it again and lure it into telling me what its problem is. Just like teenage Melissa, with the right love and patience and coaxing, I know eventually my characters are going to open up. And the story will be all the better for the difficulty.
And my dream will be all the better for the stretching.
Comments 18
OMGosh, You’re nailing me right now. lol 🙂 Feeling a tad on the moody side this morning. Frustrated with the process of dreaming….the long, arduous process, that is. The one that pummels your heart around, but won’t let it go. Yeah. That one. I’m still trying to figure out what the solution is. But I know part of it requires me to be heart-torn-open-on-the-floor honest with the Lord, with those in my inner circle, and with myself. I don’t think I can find breakthrough until I first break. If that makes sense. 🙂 Thanks for the reminder that the “dream will be all the better because of the stretching.”
Author
Sorry you’re in a moody, frustrated state, Crystal. Honestly, the moods and emotions of the writing journey are what get to me most. Deadlines can be stressful. Story challenges can be, well, challenging. But all the emotion that comes along with a dream is what’s hardest to me–mainly because I prefer staying even-keeled…and my creative side likes to rebel against that.
And you know, what you said about not finding breakthrough until you break…I really get that. I hope you’re able to have that honest time with God and your inner circle, like you mentioned, and come out on the other side of it reinvigorated and reenergized. And if you need an extra person in the inner circle, I’m only an email away. Hugs, friend!
I know with writing deadlines, you can’t always choose to do this, but I “turn off” for a while, too. I step back from social media, refuse to answer the phone, doorbell, whatever. And I sometimes leave the house and do something just for me. (And yay for mini-vacays!) Quiet time refreshes me more than anything else. That and time spent with God.
Hugs to you, Melissa, as you press on toward the mark! 🙂
Author
Turning off can be an incredibly good thing to do–even with a deadline. I’m to the point now where I really can’t turn off until this book is done, but I’m thankful for the couple opportunities I’ve had in recent weeks and months to do so. And yes, time with God is so important. Hugs to you too!
Oh, M-Tagg, how well you have captured the writing life. Especially the deadline writing life. But like your friend said, this 3rd book is going to be great because you are a great writer!!
Author
Thank you, Pat. As are you! Hope you’ve been enjoying your debut release season. 🙂
Even when you’re writing about moody teenagers and moody manuscripts, you’re brilliant and funny, Melissa. And inspiring.
And you’re right.
Teenagers need love. And space.
Manuscripts need love. And space.
You and I and everyone I can think of need love and space … and rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat.
Author
YOU inspire me, Beth. 🙂 Thinking of and praying for you bunches this week. Hugs!
great, great post, Melissa! I think I’m working with a super moody, troubled child. I love your analogy, your advice and your writing always puts a smile to my day!
Author
Thank you SO much, Susie…your comment made me smile. OH and just today I had your voice in my head as I was trying to write. I remember once at a retreat you encouraging us to just “tell the story.” I kept telling myself that today–“Just tell the story, Melissa.” 🙂
I totally get it. And I don’t have a contract yet [can’t wait for your second “kiddo” to arrive though ;)].
But I am going to have three girls in high school at the same time.
Oy.
Author
Oy is right…three in high school at the same time. OYYYY! 🙂
You go Melissa! You got this. You are so wise, space and love. My daughter is getting closer to being a tween! Ahh! I’m so not ready.
Author
I can see where it’d get scary having a kid approaching tweenageness. 🙂 And thanks for the encouragement!
Teleporting a hug as we speak…well at least I tried to, so if you felt a warm embrace…then it actually probably wasn’t me, and you might need to call the police. I love the logic of blaming the reason you weren’t where u said you’d be on—boys, I’m sure that helped decrease the parental sentencing. Can’t wait to read your angsty moody book!
Author
Thanks for totally inspiring this post, Mel. I MISS YOU! Oh, and I did not feel an actual warm embrace last night at 1:30 a.m. when you wrote this comment, so thankfully, no need to call the police. But I am accepting your hug in spirit. Also, speaking of hugs, you should probably pay special attention to the Acknowledgements section in Here to Stay when you get a copy. I may mention hugs and a certain comment you once made… 🙂
Also, yes, I’m guessing blaming the boys did not help our cause. Although, if my memory is correct, our parents actually ended the grounding early because they’re super nice like that.
Encouraging, fabulous analogy post, Melissa. Thank you. I’m glad you got a relaxing, refreshing break and eventually look forward to reading more about this story that is giving you such fits. I’ve no doubt, it’ll be brilliant. 🙂
Author
Thanks, Rissi! Glad you found it encouraging. And thanks for thinking the upcoming story is brilliant…hehehe…I’m not so sure it’s there yet. But I DO love these characters…angst and all. 🙂