Novelist No-no’s

So, the other day I’m hanging out at one of my favorite places – the grocery store. In one of my favorite aisles – the produce aisle. I’ve got an apple in my hand, red and shiny and pretty. And the smile on my face is senior picture worthy, I’m sure. How do I know? Because one of the employees stocking oranges a few feet away says, “Wow, you must really like apples.”


My grin turns sheepish and I reply, “Um, yeah. Honey crisp are my favorite.”

Which is totally the truth. But it’s not why I’m smiling.

I’m smiling because I’ve just figured out the key to a sticky spot in my WIP plot. I’ve been daydreaming my way through the store (which, no, absolutely did not result in me running my cart into the meat counter…)

Other than the raised eyebrows of the store clerk and the laughter of the guys behind the meat counter, I – and most everyone around me – came away from this latest daydreaming episode unscathed. But, because mentally working on our WIPs when we should be focusing on the task at hand is likely a common malady among writers, I’ve put together the following list of…
The Top 10 Worst Times & Places to Get Lost in Novelist Land:*
1) The Airport: Because ending up on the wrong plane in real life can’t possibly turn out as well as Marilyn Monroe’s flight mishap in How to Marry a Millionaire. (Great movie made even greater by Lauren Bacall’s subtle quips about Humphrey Bogart.)

2) In Church: It could really throw off the pastor, and perhaps raise his hopes a little too high, if he’s talking about tithing and you’re bouncing off your seat with excitement over your plot brainwave. 
3) When Crossing the Street: Enough said.

4) On a First Date: Because the person sitting across from you might be a little freaked out when you burst out, “Whoa, I just figured out how to kill my villain!”

5) During a Staff Meeting at Work: You may look like you’re furiously scribbling about revenue updates, but when it comes time to write the minutes, the only notes you’ll have are subplot ideas and character bios. Probably not what your supervisor was looking for.
6) Car-Shopping: You meant to buy a sensible Ford Fusion, but somehow ended up with a Jag instead. Oops.
7) While Exercising: Because the dangers of falling off an elliptical are real, my friend.

8) At a Petting Zoo: Llamas will try to eat your shoelaces if you’re not paying attention. This, I know.

9) When You’ve Got Cookies in the Oven: Because you will be sad when they burn. (And I had a glass of milk ready and everything!)

10) During a Hostage Situation: Because when the man in the mask attempting to hold-up the bank says, “Raise your hands and keep your mouth shut,” you really should not respond with, “According to Susan May Warren’s emotional layering techniques, I should incorporate a physical action right now to convey emotion.”

There you have it – the top 10 times and places when it might be smarter (and safer) to drag yourself out of novel-land. Let me know if I forgot anything. Us writers have to watch out for each other. 🙂

~Melissa
*****

*I’m not saying I’ve experienced all of these. But I’m also not saying I’ve never experienced any of them. 🙂

Comments 4

  1. Oh, M-Tagg, you always make my day, no matter what time of day it is. I no longer care that I am up much later than planned.
    OK: #11: During any sort of medical exam: Because … um … you know, they are embarrassing and uncomfortable enough as it is. Why should you have to explain to your doctor why you’re talking to yourself or telling voices that only you hear to be quiet?

  2. Thanks, Pat and Beth…I love your #11, Beth. I laughed out loud.

    I just thought of another one:

    12) During any group prayer time – bible study, small groups or in my case, at my job. Because when everybody else opens their eyes and you’re still head-bowed, eyes-closed, mentally working on your WIP, they will wonder…Well, and because it’d be good to actually BE praying.

  3. Funny! Some of my best “Novelist Land” ideas came during exercising. Sitting (or standing) on the spin bike with music blaring and an instructor yelling at the group to go faster and to turn the resistance up. Yes, that’s where my mind drifted into Novelist Land. Can you blame me? 😉

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *