So, I had a crazy dream last night. Not sure if it was caused by the ridiculous amount of watermelon I ate all day yesterday or the half an hour I spent before bedtime perusing msn.com and wondering what our world is coming to.
Here’s the dream scenario: I’m in my apartment and all my windows are open. But it’s sooo insanely windy outside and it’s blowing through my place like that twister in Wizard of Oz. Only, I’m not pulling a Dorothy, just watching everything swirl by outside my window. Instead, things are actually flying around in my apartment. And I’m freaked out – quite understandably so, if I do say so myself.
So I do the only thing a girl can do when a tornado is chewing up her home. I hide in the closet. (See, this is why I’m not in the emergency response field.)
Problem, though. Turns out the wind is so strong it traps me in said closet. I start to panic. I think, Oh boy, I’m going to live the rest of my life with only my shoes and clothes and possibly-out-of-control scarf collection for company. They’re pretty and all – the scarves, I mean – but they’re hardly good life companions. I’m never going to get out of here.
I push and push on the closet door…to no avail.
And then I wake up. And it really is windy..rainy, too. So I close all the windows. And decide I should probably re-think living alone.
Scary dream, yeah? Not quite as creepy as the time I dreamt I had to save my siblings from Nazis, but it definitely surpassed my childhood recurring nightmare of being stuck in a runaway laundry cart zooming down a hotel hallway. (Yes, possibly too many viewings of Annie when I was a kid.)
Thing is, that dream has been haunting me all day. Fact: when I stepped into my walk-in closet this morning, I made sure the door stayed wide open. But it’s more than that. Against my will, I’ve turned all psychoanalyst…and I can’t stop wondering: Did my subconscious deliver that dream in order to convey some sort of real-life significance?
Do I feel trapped?
Is life, at the moment, a metaphorical, un-escapable closet?
If so, what’s the “wind” hemming me in?
(And honestly, do I simply have way too many scarves? 🙂 )
Okay, so those are big questions. And probably best saved for my mental journal. (I gave up keeping a real journal when I realized someday I could die and somebody might actually read said journal, which would likely ‘cause me to die of embarrassment. And a person shouldn’t have to die twice.)
It’s true, though, that I don’t handle that feeling of “being stuck” well. Whether it’s stuck inside on a beautiful day or stuck in a particular season of life. I’m all for routine as long as I have the freedom to break free when I want. I’m cool with confinement and commitment as long as its voluntary…and somewhere along the way there’s a clearly marked exit. Possibly this is why caves and marriage scare me. (But for a pretty stalactite, I once braved a cave…so likely for the right man…)
Even writing, sometimes, feels claustrophobic. Because I have big hopes and big goals that come along with all sorts of requirements and necessary steps. How easy it is to feel boxed in by all the gotta-dos this writing career/dream/surely-it’ll-happen-won’t-it? thing hefts on a dedicated wannabe.
And that is why I loooove this:
“Let your love, God, shape my life with salvation, exactly as you promised…And I’ll stride freely through wide open spaces as I look for your truth and your wisdom. Then I’ll tell the world what I find.” – Psalm 119:41, 45-46, The Message (emphasis mine)
If there’s one thing God’s love isn’t, it’s entrapping. If there’s one thing a life-long pursuit of His truth is, it’s liberating. It’s wide and expansive and, contrary to the opinions of those who relegate a relationship with Christ to a list of rules and regulations, it’s freeing. It opens life up to all kinds of possibilities – from an overall sense of purpose to the everyday stuff. Think big, green field…build a house, plant a garden, dredge a stream. It’s all possible because of the One who gave you the land, the tools, the dream.
There’s nothing stuck-in-a-closet-like about a life of faith like that.
Wide open spaces.
Freedom.
It’s reality, folks. And it rocks.
Freedom.
It’s reality, folks. And it rocks.
Comments 4
I love your dreams, M-Tagg. No wonder you write such good stories. Your verses are so perfect for a writer…think I’ll claim them.
Great post!
Thanks, Pat. Those are such great verses, aren’t they? I think I could read them every day…especially on the days I’m feeling claustrophobic from too many to-dos. 🙂
Melissa,
Could this dream be a message from your subconscious to be willing to move forward in your life some way? Is there an open door you need to walk through?
Possibly, Beth, possibly. 🙂 Or, there’s a door I walked through voluntarily that I’m now feeling trapped by…either way, it’s made me think a lot. And either way, I’m ridiculously happy to know God is faithful and He doesn’t just leave us to figure things out on our own! 🙂