|Photo credit: Free Digital Photos|
There is no sane reason or justification for the list you're about to read.
My only explanation? I was thinking the other day about how similar many people's resolutions are. How we all tend to be hungry for the same changes. And you'd think that thought would take me somewhere philosophical, maybe even meaningful.
Instead, it took me here: If there are resolutions it seems everyone makes, are there also resolutions no one makes?
Melissa's List (or best guess, really) of the Top 10 Resolutions No One Has Ever Made:
10. I resolve to...deepen my interaction with my dentist.
Because dentists always try to talk to you when they're scraping your bicuspids, right? No more monosyllabic answers and barely veiled eye rolls. It's time for some heart-to-heart conversation in the confines of the dentist's chair.
9. I resolve to...resurrect the corset.
8. I resolve to...spend more time on social media to the detriment of my real life relationships.
No one has to resolve this. We just do it.
7. I resolve to...trade my Mac in for a PC.
Sorry, my bias is showing.
6. I resolve to...learn the lyrics to every Justin Bieber song.
I know the lyrics to one. Is that good enough? (And is that pop culture reference oh-so-2011? Should I have switched it to One Direction?)
5. I resolve to...re-watch last year's presidential debates on YouTube and recall the wonderfulness of election season.
Just in case I'm wrong and someone did, in fact, resolve something similar to this, you may also benefit from this list of how to survive election withdrawal.
4. I resolve to...perfect my Gangham Style moves.
Because it's obviously the coolest dance move since the Macarena.
3. I resolve to...procrastinate more this year than ever before.
Although now I'm not so sure this one belongs on the list anymore. It seems one of the ongoing, unspoken resolutions of my whole life is to see how long I can put off things like getting a physical, trimming my hair and doing laundry...
2. I resolve to...sleep less and find more to do in my gobs of free time.
And the top resolution I'm pretty sure no one has ever made:
1. I resolve to...gain fifteen pounds.
Usually it's the opposite, right? That is...unless you're Tim Tebow and your mean new team asks you to put on some poundage and you do 'cause you're just that nice of a guy but then they don't give you any playing time anyway and...
Okay. Obviously I have some unresolved issues here. While I work through it, tell me...
What do you think are the best/worst resolutions no one has ever made?